Pricing that’ll stop your heart.
Our services
Counseling & Planning
Some might be “saving their clients money,” by not answering every call. We respectfully disagree.
Yell at us however long you would like, about any subject - so long as you sign our engagement agreement.
$300 / Hr.
Assassinations
While your average firm may disagree, our experts believe that the cheapest route to resolving many issues is not settlement, but assassination.
We keep hitpersons on retainer in the event that you feel like solving your problem sooner rather than later.
$20 ,000 Flat Rate Fee
Litigation Defense
We engage professionally and unprofessionally. If retained, we can delay any active litigation for a period of 99 years, ensuring that you live your life carefree while someone threatens to burn our offices down.
Plaintiffs are billed at a 17,000% rate.
$250 / Hr.
